Thursday, December 13, 2012

Zac Brown Gave Me Conjunctivitis

Zac Brown, I'm so mad at you.  Being a grown, capable type person usually means I can drive to work, listen to music and prepare myself for the day.  Yesterday was, evidently, a horse of a different color altogether. 

There I was in my Jeep, minding my own business, when your heartfelt crooning about our shared home invaded my awareness. You sang about pine trees, pecan (that's PEE-CAN, say it with me) pie, peaches, and fried chicken. You invoked the mystical whispering pines. You even had the audacity to mention Mama.

Out of nowhere I felt this, well, feeling.  It was strange, an odd sort of feeling, one that I'm not really used to.  My chest felt funny enough, that I thought for a minute about swearing off bacon for awhile.  But then my eyes started foggin up, even though it wasn't raining. The smile I had been wearing just moments earlier slid off my face and crashed on the floorboard.

Luckily, the stereo has an off-switch, which I utilized as soon as I realized the severity of the situation. Zac Brown, you made me cry.  If you know me at all, which Zac, I realize you don't, you know that crying is one of those activities I believe was intended for babies, old people and perhaps people in car accidents. Healthy adults should usually reserve such a thing for private time, in their homes, preferably in their bathrooms, with the door locked.

I eventually managed to get myself together, head into the office and do a little work.  Then just a few hours later, while pecking diligently at my computer, I noticed my eyes were doin that thing again.  And no, I was under the influence of no music.  I waited for it to clear up, but when it failed to do so I took myself down to the Minute Clinic, as it is my belief that eyes do not normally fog up and weep for no good reason.

At the clinic the helpful NP confirmed what I had begun to suspect: conjunctivitis.  Which, for me at least, was a relief.  Here I thought Zac Brown had managed to turn me into a weepy, emotional person with no better manners than to cry in public. How soothing to realize that it was only a highly contagious virus in my eye.

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